To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before

Well I just received my “23andMe” reports on my Ancestral DNA. The reports have confirmed many of my presupposed ideas that my heratige is 53% Scandanavian; 12% British/Irish (bringing in the Viking element), 28% French/German, and the remainder broadly Northwestern European. I already knew this as a result of my one and only trip to Denmark where I was able to trace three generations of Scandahouves on my father’s side (going back to the early 1800). The Vikings landed in Ireland/England in the early days.

Apparently I also contain 283 of 2,872 Neanderthal Variants (nearly 10%) , which is higher than 58% of 23andMe’s other customers (the most being 400). What does that mean? I probably have straight hair, which I do. I’m probably tall, which I guess I am at 6′-2″. I don’t know much about the other 281, they didn’t go into that much detail.

The 10% Neanderthal Variants thing started me thinking though. This means somebody in my family tree swung down and had sex with a Neanderthal at least 40,000 years ago, and I’m still taking the hit for it today.

So…..to all the girls I’ve loved before, especially those of you who screamed “You Neanderthal”, at the end of our date, you were right. Who knew.

Tiger Fallout

Tiger Fallout

I am really incensed by the treatment Tiger Wood has been afforded by our esteemed prime time and tabloid news stations. “Tiger Wood found asleep on the highway in his vehicle”, “Tiger Wood found drunk driving”, endless postings of his mug shot, his DUI testing; stumbling, nearly fallling down, has no idea where he is; on and on the inuendo flies, and now signs like the above begin to appear. Late nite “comedians”, starving for material, see a gold mine in Tiger Woods Monday arrest. It happened last Monday, and the assination still continues through the rest of the week. WTF!!!

OH BTW, TIGER’S BLOOD ALCOHOL LEVEL WAS O.OOO. HELLO? HELLO!!! YO!!! O.OOO. What is it about O.OOO the you late night comedians, and the you other news comedians don’t understand? WTF?

Tiger Wood is unarguably the best (winningest) golfer the world has ever seen, a philanthropist, a mentor and a Wheaties Box hero to millions and millions of children. Yes he made a monumental mistake, of catastrophic proportion; cheating on his wife, dating miriad questionable women. Tiger Wood stood up and paid dearly for his mistake, as the press so diligently reported, ad nauseum, during his days of persecution.

Tiger’s father dragged his bouncing baby boy out on to the golf course at age three, and wouldn’t let go of him be until Tiger became the winningest player ever. I have no facts to support this, but I imagine that at age three, Tiger’s undeveloped body wasn’t ready for what it was put through, and as a result he began to physically fail at a very early age. Operation after opearation, failure after failure, the toll mounted. I can imagine that all the invasive operations he has suffered; knees, shoulders, back, have left him with a high level of physical pain that requires medication and treatment. This is not an excuse for his actions on Monday. Who would let him get into a car in this condition? Did the condition come on after he had gotten into the car or was he in that condition before he got in? Did he understand the drugs he was taking? Was he under post operative care? Why aren’t these questions being asked?

Tiger Wood does not deserve to be protrayed as a Drunk; he has earned and deserves better than that. The truly bad people in the world, i.e. those who would capitalize on the misfortune and the fortune of others, need to be exposed for what they are, low life sociopaths who lack moral compass.

 

 

The Gape Gap

Tooth Gap

I was born with a gap between my two front teeth. Looking back at pictures of my marvelous mother, I noticed she had a gap as well. My wife and I have opted to look into the 23andme DNA studies, and one of the questions of her was, “do you have a gap between your two front teeth”.  Armed with this information and a lifetime of tight lipped smiling, I ponder the meaning of “the Gap”.

The French call gapped teeth “dents du bonheur” or “lucky teeth”. Some folks use them for party tricks, seeing who can shoot water the farthest. Others think that gapped teeth are mysterious, having links to the animal world. Some say gapped teeth give you a sense of humor, while others think they are the height of fashion, especially today. There are myriad products on the market to “close the gap” or “hide the gap”, which suggests a level of shame.  Everyone has their own ideas which keeps me searching and searching.

Today, on Facebook, the above photo flashed out at me, as I scrolled the days posts, and the meaning of “the Gap” came crystal clear to me. Gaps are beautiful. Don’t you agree?